¤ CLICK TO SEARCH TWITTER FOR "BILL HICKS" OR #BILLHICKS ¤
¤ "Do not listen to Bill Hicks. " –The Government Tweet This! ¤
¤ "Do not listen to Bill Hicks. " –The Church Tweet This! ¤
¤ SCROLL DOWN FOR TWEET~A~BILL QUOTES ¤
Tweet~a~Bill quotes for personal, non-commercial use only. Not authorized for marketing or automated quotes tweeting.
(Most taken from Love All The People by Bill Hicks. © Arizona Bay Production Co., Inc.)
"A psychedelic experience...does make you realize everything you learned is in fact just learned and not necessarily true." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Aargh! Aargh! I can't get hard. Reagan, pee in my mouth." "Well, how's that, Rush?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Alcohol kills more people than crack, coke and heroin combined...so thanks for inviting me to your little alcoholic drug den." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"All day long you see those commercials: 'Here's Your Brain, Just Say No'...and the next commercial is: 'This Bud's For You.'" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"....All drugs should be legal. War is wrong. The rich get richer. The poor get poorer. Thank you. I'll be here all week." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"All your beliefs, they're just that. They're nothing. They're how you were taught and raised. That doesn't make 'em real." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"And O, Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Are gun rights advocates arguing that roving gangs...shooting innocent bystanders constitutes a 'well-regulated militia'?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Audience participation...is limited 2...answers 2 my questions, laughter, applause and a blowjob from all the women afterward." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Been on what I call my Flying Saucer Tour--appearing in small Southern towns--in front of handfuls of hillbillies." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Bill, we had a big vote: fucking's out. You were asleep." Wake me for that vote! I might be a swing vote! ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"'Bill...you start telling us you hate us and you dig a fucking hole.' ...It's supposed to be a fucking catharsis, man." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Billy Ray Cyrus does not smoke. Michael Bolton doesn't...Paula Abdul doesn't...there does seem to be a pattern." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Blow up the arms dealers! How could that possibly help? Well...we'll save petrol. Our planes can drop their bombs on take-off." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"By the way, if anyone here is in marketing or advertising ... kill yourself. Thank you. Just planting seeds..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
Calling 4 the spark in evry brain 2 recognize it is the same as the spark in every1 and in joining 2 become from an ember 2 a Sun~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Carrot Top is the comedy equivalent of a streaker...'Hey, there's a nude guy running by!..Okay...what were we talking about?'" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Christianity's such an odd religion...eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love...Believe or die!" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"CIA--biggest drug runners in the world. FACT! I'm teasing. Our government's great. Liar! No, they're good people." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is...thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.'" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Comedy is a double-edged sword; on 1 hand no 1 gives U any flak because...it's all a joke. On the other hand, it's not a joke." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
DEVIL: "I've come for your soul." MICHAEL BOLTON: "You don't seem to understand--I have no soul to give you. Sorry! Ha-Ha-Ha!" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Did you watch the flag-burning thing?...People were just 'Hey, buddy...My daddy died for that flag'...Really?...I bought mine." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Do a commercial, you're off the artistic roll call, every word you say is suspect, you're a corporate whore and end of story." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Do I have a message? Yes, I do. Here's my message: as scary as the world is - and it is - it is merely a ride..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Doesn't Rush Limbaugh remind you of one of those gay guys who likes to lay in a tub while other men pee on him?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Drugs that open your eyes...make you realize how you're being fucked every day of your life. Those drugs--are against the law." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Dude, can I bum a cigarette from you, man? I'm trying to quit buying...50 years of smoking? You're giving me fucking hope!" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States...23,000 deaths from handguns. But--there's no connection..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Far be it for me to set some...demarcation zone on the qualities I look for in a woman...no fuckin Hammer albums...I'm in love."~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Go back to your fucking crackerjack lifestyle, and I'll meet you at the evolution bellcurve. I'll be sitting there awhile." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"God has this...hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Good evening, everyone. Oh, Jesus Christ. I've had more people in bed before than this...In fact they were at the hotel." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. My name is William Melvin Hicks. Thanks Dad." ~Bill Hicks, Austin, Texas 1983 Tweet This!
"Good evening. How are you tonight? Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to 'No Sympathy Night.' Welcome to 'You're Wrong Night'." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Here's what causes sexual thoughts...having a dick...In the course of our day ANYTHING can cause a sexual fucking thought." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Hicks was shot by a quiet loner. Though the shots had two different calibrations, we feel that one gun shot them both." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"How come Keith Richards still walks? Explain that ... You never hear the Surgeon General mention Keith, do ya?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"How many disapprove of Bush--70 percent...How many'll vote for him--70 percent...Where'd they take that poll? Some S+M parlor?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I always do long shows when I'm in Denver, 'cause I know for a fact there's nothing else going on here. So thank you very much."~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I...am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light...in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I am a misanthropic humanist....Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY.'' ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I am available for children's parties, by the way...Beelzebozo, clown from Hell. It's in the phone book under 'B' and 'H'." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I been...doing comedy now for 10 years, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plow through this shit 1 more time."~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you'll find in this world." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us...to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I can't understand a word they say, yet we're all speaking English...they all sound like little birds tweeting to me." ~Bill Hicks on Brits Tweet This!
"I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind's sole purpose on this planet." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I don't care if you're obscene, filthy, horrendous -- as long as you're honest." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I don't drink, uh, I don't do drugs. I wanna thank management for offering, but..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I don't get along with anything, I really don't...I'm, I'm, maybe I'm just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I don't identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I don't pretend to understand women's little quirks. Just one thing I know for sure, Chicks Dig Jerks. Ow!" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I don't wanna pick it up, mister; you'll shoot me." ... "PICK UP THE GUN!" (3 gunshots) "YOU ALL SAW HIM, HE HAD A GUN." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I go to dance clubs...about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going 'God, what idiots!'" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I hate patriotism. I can't stand it, man. Makes me fucking sick. It's a round world last time I checked, OK?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I have NEVER seen people on pot get in a fight- because it is fucking IMPOSSIBLE. - "Hey buddy!" 'Hey what?' "Hey." 'Hey.'" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I have wiped entire civilizations off of my chest with a gray gym-sock. THAT is special" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I hope you know this; I think you do--all governments are lying cocksuckers. Hope you know that. Good. All right." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I left in love, in laughter and in truth, and wherever love, laughter and truth abide, I will be there in spirit." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I love watching...that all-terrain Popemobile with the 3 ft of bulletproof Plexiglass around him. Boy, there's faith in action."~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I love talking about Kennedy assassination...a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government...sorry, wrong meeting." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I read Ch. 4's TV listings...Who's the Boss, Full House, argh! Same country where George Bernard Shaw used to jot things down?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I saw...a kid on a leash. You seen these people? Kid on a leash? How horrible. Put him in the pound where he belongs." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I stole [Denis Leary's] act. I camouflaged it with punchlines and, to really throw people off, I did it before he did." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York...Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye you lizard scum! Bye!" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I was a weekend drinker...I'd start on Saturday, end on Friday...thought I was controlling it...but I don't drink any more." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I was always 'awake'...Some part of me clamoring for NEW insights and NEW ways to make the world a better place." ~Bill Hicks, Feb. 7, 1994 Tweet This!
"I was born William Melvin Hicks on December 16, 1961 in Valdosta, Georgia. Ugh--Melvin Hicks from Georgia. Yee Har!" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I was in Australia....Lotta leg room down under. Apartments: dollar a month. 2000-acre den....think of the parties." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I was just down in Dallas, Texas...the Assassination Museum...it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman...come in the guise of a comic...to heal perception by using...'jokes'..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I'd...bet enthusiasm for 'ethnic cleansing' will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"...I'd like to state for the record right now--I love pornography."..."Mr. Hicks...you ever thought about becoming a Senator?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing...Those unwanted babies...? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I'll see you all in Heaven, where we can really share a great laugh together...forever and ever...and ever. With love, Bill Hicks." Tweet This!
"I'll tell you who the threat to the status quo is in this country. It's us. That's why they...keep you afraid...impotent." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I'm amusing people one at a time here tonight...I'm amazed at the restraint of the rest of you till your time comes up." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I'm an American who loves an America which doesn't exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I'm Bill Hicks and I'm dead now...Cigarettes didn't kill me. A bunch of nonsmokers kicked the shit out of me one night." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I'm driven by a fantasy that 1 day this girl who...said she loved me then left...she turns 2 the telly, and I'm gonna be on it."~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I'm just saying if you're gonna have a war against drugs, have 'em against all drugs, including alcohol...or shut the fuck up!" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I'm just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I'm just trying to rid the world of all these fevered egos that are tainting our collective unconscious..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I'm kind of bummed because I'm missing right now ... my favorite cultural train wreck: 'The Tonight Show with Jay Leno'". ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I'm smoking and you come up coughing at me. Jesus! You go up to crippled people dancin', too, you fucks?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I'm sorry if anyone here is Catholic--uh...I'm not sorry if you're offended...just the fact that you're Catholic." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I'm talking metaphorically about America, all right? Not y'all. I give y'all more credit. I assume that you're enjoying this." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I'm very tired of...[you] wanting me to fill your empty lives with humor U couldn't possibly think of yourselves. Good evening."~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I've had good times on drugs...bad times on drugs...But I've had good and bad relationships...and I'm not giving up pussy." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"I've had seven balls of light come off a UFO...explain to me telepathically we are all one and there's no such thing as death." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"If the world's 12,000 years old and the Bible covers it, why didn't someone bring up fuckin' dinosaurs?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Improv--what a fucking morgue!" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"In Australia...they celebrate Easter the same...by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit...left chocolate eggs in the night"~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"...Intelligence reports would come out 'Iraq--incredible weapons...' How do you know that? "Uh--we looked at the receipt." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"It is...this world of ours, a fucking joke. The real world lies beyond its veil, and the...Artists, have lifted that veil..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Is it impossible to imagine Americans sneaking into Mexico en masse, seeking regular employment and a better way of life?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Is it my business if somebody wants to burn a flag?...No, it's not...That's called logic and it'll help us all evolve..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"It has become more and more obvious that there is one political party in America, and that is The Business Party." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"It's hard to have a relationship in this business...it's gonna take a very special woman...or a bunch of average ones." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"It's Jesus for Miller!... I was crucified, dead for 3 days, resurrected and waited 2000 years to return... It's Miller time." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"It's my object to be stared at like a dog that's just been shown a card trick." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy... I believe he was a child of Satan here to destroy the planet..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me...oxygen tent, iron lung." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Jesus--murdered. Martin Luther King--murdered. Gandhi--murdered. Malcolm X--murdered. Reagan--wounded." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Jesus...took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw and...sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for oh so many years."~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Laughter makes the bitter swallowing of truth, for
some, a little easier." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Let's do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who've seen me before might know that." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Let's figure out this food/air deal, OK? 'K. I'm just weird, you know? How about have a neat world for kids to come TO?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"...love rather than fear...this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope...surely there is hope for us all." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren't partyin'." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Marijuana grows naturally...Don't you think making nature against the law seems a bit, I don't know, unnatural?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"McDonald's, it'll supply 40 new jobs there in Moscow." Yeah, 20 dentists and 20 heart specialists. It's shit. Don't eat it." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"More news on anti-abortion activists ... If they're so pro-life, I wish they'd ... shoot morticians rather than doctors." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer!" ... "That's the story of Jesus." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"No one holds comedy in higher regard than myself...I do not think comedy is for escaping from the daily grind of reality..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Nonsmokers--this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"...nuclear war, 2 things survive: Keith [Richards] and bugs. 'Where'd everybody go? I saw a bright light, thought we were on.'" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"'Oh, childbirth is such a miracle.'...Wrong!...A miracle's raising a kid who doesn't talk in a fucking movie theater." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Oh--won't we party hard when L.A. goes kersplash?...L.A. fell in the ocean?... There is a God. He loves us all so much." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"On we traveled till the Earth was just a dot...and we were on our way to our NEW life and NEW HAPPINESS." ~Bill Hicks, December 1993 Tweet This!
"Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves...After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"People always snap and think they're Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they're Buddha?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"People are bringing SHOTGUNS to UFO sightings...brings a whole new meaning to that phrase 'You ain't from around here, ar'ya?'" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"People said I was like [David] Koresh, except without the guns or pussy...means I'm just a real annoying guy, basically." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"People suck and that's my contention. I can prove it on scratch paper and a pen ... We're a virus with shoes. OK?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts...Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me."~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Quit putting a goddamn dollar sign on every fucking thing on this planet!" "Ooh, the anger dollar...Huge in times of recession."~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"...Recording an album tonight and tomorrow...Don't worry. Funny material and laughter will be dubbed in later..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Rock stars against drugs--that's what we want, isn't it? Government-approved rock-n-roll? Woo! We're partying now!" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Rock stars hawking Diet Cokes...are demons set loose on the Earth 2 lower the standards 4 the perfect and holy children of God!"~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Saw a movie this year called 'Basic Instinct'...quick capsule review: Piece of Shit....Anyway, after I saw it about 8 times..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here's Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Sixteen years I've pounded my head against the mentality of America, which...I'd say it's about an 8th grade emotional level." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"So scary watching the news...Like Iraq...could ever under any stretch of the imagination be any threat to us whatsoever." ~Bill Hicks 1992 Tweet This!
"So, it's good to be here, wherever I am." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Sometimes my dad even gets on this kick--'You hate this country'....I have to tell him...I just hate being lied to." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Surgeon General's warning ought 2 read: Smoking has been determined 2 cause cancer, heart disease and rednecks with seniority." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Swear to God, I woke up in the best mood. Happened to be 8 p.m., but..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"That's kind of cruel man, going up to a smoker and coughing at him. Shit! Do you go up to crippled people dancing too?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"That's starting to depress me about UFOs. The fact that they cross galaxies...and always end up in places like Fyfe, Alabama." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"That's what I'm gonna do: quit gradually...I'm gonna lose one lung; little while later I'm gonna lose the other one." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"The CIA has a plot...they've used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem...is convincing Hussein...to fly to Dallas." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"The puppet on the right shares my beliefs, the puppet on the left is more to my liking. Hey...there's one guy holding up both!" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"The Voice of Reason is in us all...and everyone can recognize it because it makes sense and everyone benefits from it equally." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"There ain't no one out there who's a fucking threat to us, OK?...Oh, I'm talking now only of countries we don't arm first." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"There is a 3rd point of view on the gun control issue--those who I refer to as THE VICTIMS--but they remain strangely silent..."~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"There it is, My creation. Perfect and holy...Oh my, Me!...I left fucking pot everywhere...Now I have to create Republicans." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"...There NEVER was a war. A war is when TWO armies are fighting. Right there I think we can all agree..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"There's a Living God who will talk directly fuckin' to you...not thru the pages of the Bible that forgot to mention dinosaurs!" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"There's too many fucking people in the world. Quit rutting. Let's work out this food/air deal. Then go back to your rutting." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"This is the idea that has made me...an anonymous figure in America...If you have children here tonight...they are NOT special."~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a mistake." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"To me pornography is...spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Truly, the only stupid people I've ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Try waking up and enjoying the LIFE you've CHOSEN...Instead of calling the travel agent and getting the big budget deal." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Waitress comes over to me: 'What you readin' for?' I said...I guess I read...so I don't end up being a fucking waffle waitress!"~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"'Warning: Smoking may cause fetal injury or premature birth.'...Found MY brand! Just don't get the ones that say 'lung cancer.'"~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"We are free children of God with minds who can imagine anything...The fucking UFOs are waiting in the 5th dimension. Let's go!" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"We are one with God and He loves us. Now if that isn't a hazard 2 this country...How're we gonna keep building nuclear weapons?"~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad...that's a little bit overdoing it." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"We really are All One....this is the very philosophy that has kept me virtually anonymous in America for fifteen years." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"'We're rock stars who do Pepsi Cola commercials!'...Suckin' Satan's pecker. Suck it! It's only your dignity. Suck it!" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"What before seemed a...frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"What came 1st, the hard-on or the Madonna video?...don't know what the fuck that means, but I'm proud 2 B a part of my own act."~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"What I've EVER said regarding your show is...done from a concerned and interested party. Not an enemy." ~Bill Hicks to Jay Leno, Dec. 1993 Tweet This!
"What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis, not the young, cool guy..." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"What's gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize we're all One?...You can see why the government's cracking down." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"When did the fucking military get all these morals...'I don't want any gay people hanging round me while I'm killing kids.'" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"When you're high you can do everything you normally do just as well -- you just realize...it's not worth the fuckin' effort." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"When you're...stepping over a guy on the sidewalk...does it ever occur to you to think, 'Wow. Maybe our system doesn't work?'" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Will there be titty?" "Sure." Boom! I'm a producer. "Where you been all our life, boy? We been lookin for you in Hollywood." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Writing, acting, music, comedy. A deep love of literature and books. Thank God for all the artists who've helped me." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"Y'all are about...the worst fucking audience I've ever faced...Let me assure you right now: there are dick jokes on the way." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"You can go to the sixth floor of the School Book Depository...and it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"You ever notice how people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close 2gether, big furry hands and feet."~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"You know there were rumors of anti-Castro pigeons seen drinking in bars the night before the assassination...saying COUP! COUP!"~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"You know what I hate about working? Bosses...The very idea that ANYONE could be my boss, well...I think you see the conflict." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"You know what I think cruel is? Leaving your loved ones 2 die in some sterile hospital room...Fuck that! Put 'em in the movies!"~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"You know, when I'm done ranting about elite power that...uses the media in order to keep people stupid...I drink Orange Drink." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants 2 see a fucking cross? Kind of like going up 2 Jackie O. with a rifle pendant on."~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"You want a better world...? Legalize pot right now. ...end the deficit? Legalize pot right now...biggest cash crop in America." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"You're in a ballgame or a concert and someone's really violent and aggressive and obnoxious. Are they drunk or...smoking pot?" ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
"You're not a human till you're in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring." ~Bill Hicks Tweet This!
